Reflection

I watched Super Soul Sunday this morning on OWN. Deepak Chopra was being interviewed and he discussed the importance of meditation, and the meaning of mantra. I am.. I am.. I am..

If someone asked 'who are you', what would you say?

I don't know yet, but I will take the time to do these three things this week in hopes of being able to answer that question for myself: commit, meditate and believe.

Days 16-17 Collection

Day 16: The Best Is Yet To Come

I'm working on a project at the Chaplain's Office. I've been worried that this project will not work out as I would like it to. However, things are falling in place. It's almost kismet. I'm slowly getting excited because I'm meeting people who I click with, and who can make my ideas much better- adding quality and quantity in areas that I could never get to.

It's amazing and a bit overwhelming. But I think I'm ready... I keep forecasting the future, and all I see is clear skies. I'm expecting it. The bible says "write the vision and make it plain." So I will. The best is yet to come. In every area of my life, personally, professional, academically. I'm in a good place as it is.. and the best is yet come. 

Hold on while I have a moment to myself.

Day 17: I Am Blessed and Highly Favored

bless·ed

adjective

1. consecrated; sacred; holy; sanctified

2. worthy of adoration, reverence, or worship

3. divinely or supremely favored; fortunate

4. blissfully happy or contented.

fa·vored

adjective

1. regarded or treated with preference or partiality

2. enjoying special advantages; privileged

3. of specified appearance (usually used in combination)

Days 14-15 Collection

Day 14: Woosah. Rubs Ears. Woosah. Rubs Ears.

I took a break from writing the memoirs this weekend. Not because I didn't think of some. I had a couple.. but they were ones I did not want to post. A little too personal.. but no less meaningful.

Today, however, it's the first day of class! I can't believe it's here already. All this work has come up to this day. I'm a little anxious and feeling overwhelmed with everything that I am a part of. I was just offered the position as NASPA Graduate Associate which is awesome, but that's one more responsibility. I seriously hope I have not overloaded. 

I've started meditating. It's pretty awesome.. I sat outside this morning around 7:45 and meditated for 15 minutes. I think it helped but today I can't help the anxious feeling that it's about to begin. My last first day of class for my master's degree...

Day 15: Some Dreams Are Relays, Not Sprints.

This was taken from Julian Castro's speech at the Democratic National Convention. His actual quote was "the American Dream is not a sprint, or even a marathon-- but a relay." 

When he said that, I cried. Finally, I thought, someone gets it. I typically don't reflect like this during a politician's speech, but I thought about my parents. My mom never went to college but she has always encouraged my sisters and I to excel. When she realized our best in school was As and Bs, she challenged us to do more. She came to almost every school function any of us were involved in, from marching band performances and concerts to tennis matches. She sat tall at each of our graduations and quietly celebrated with each of us as we received our college acceptances, and job offers. My father dropped out of college and joined the Marines in his early 20s. 25 years later he would earn his BA in Criminal Justice at NCCU and his MA in Public Administration. He has always embodied hard work, perseverance and believing in ones self. When I think of my parents, the baton they passed on to my sisters and I were not only their dreams, but their values and beliefs. They passed on the belief that we are the combination of two very strong families: the Puou's and Carpenter's. We are the Carpenter girls. We carry all their dreams but also our own. It's a burden and a honor. 

Finally, someone acknowledged that there is a privilege to be able to fulfill the American Dream in their lifetime. My parents will not be rich in their lifetime. However, I may and my children definitely will. My children will grow up with an inheritance and they will know this was made through the sacrifices provided by their grandparents, their great grandparents and Tutus. They did not do this on their own. They are standing on the very strong shoulders of those who came before them.

Every American is.

Day 10: I draw energy for the sun

I'm anemic.

I'm cold all the time. I get chicken skin when I'm at work or I'm sitting at the dining room table at the house. Instead of smoke breaks at work, I take sun breaks. I need it to survive. It gives me so much energy.

Being out in the sun after sitting in my office makes me feel like I'm defrosting.

It's an amazing feeling. When I get outside, I want to sit in the grass cross-legged and raise my face to the sun and just smile so hard. I'm sure it would be a cheesy scene but I love it! I love the sun.

I'm pretty sure I've unintentionally tanned this summer because of my love for the sun.

But don't get it twisted.. I'm not outside all day. The sun in California is no joke. That's why I take sun breaks... as in 5-10 minutes throughout the day. I don't do the staying out in the sun for 5-6 hours. No ma'am.

Days 8-9 Collection

Day 8: History made its mark. Make yours.

 I decided on this memoir because it's New Student Orientation. It's officially the beginning of a new year. This quote is on my vision board. I don't remember which magazine I got it from but I loved it from the moment I saw it.. and it's true for this year. History made its mark. Make yours. I have to make and leave my mark in school, at work, with GSC, with SESSA, with NASPA, as a mentor. In everything that I commit myself to, I need to make my mark. Even when it comes to myself.. with my health. I need to make a mark this year. I will make a mark this year.

New Student Orientation did go well. I'll be glad when October comes.. I think. October has to be a quieter month. It just seems like it will be less stressful.. less busy. But I know me.. I'll find a way to have the busiest year until the next year comes.

Day 9: Waiting isn't always a bad thing.

I talked to Jacqui today. It's been a couple months since I last spoke with her. It's always good catching up with her. She's getting her Ph.D, as is Sharawn. Ashley has hers and is now preggers (yay) and Rachel is in med school. Lena got a promotion at Sony and Heather is just recently married. Nikki is raising a beautiful family and planning a wedding, and Starr and Leah are enjoying the birth of their new summer babies... I have some pretty fantastic friends doing some pretty impressive things. But we're all doing it now.. 

In my conversation with Jacqui, we started talking about the culture that Wake promotes.. get your terminal degree. Go to grad school right after graduation. I didn't do that. I worked after graduation and I was scared that I didn't know what I was doing.. but I have always had favor. Public Allies was the best thing that ever happened to me. If we were friends during that year, you also know it was the hardest year for me but I was introduced to fantastic people who I still keep in contact with today. But it also introduced me to NCSSM and Student Affairs where I have ultimately found my passion. Without taking that year with Public Allies, I don't know where I would be. It was an emotional hell for me. Some of it I created.. but some of it, I didn't. It was a hard year but I can honestly look back and say, I wouldn't change it. I resigned from the first professional job I ever had. At 22, I had enough and I resigned. I quit. I never quit. I always finish.. even if I have a terrible time, I finish. But I couldn't finish this one. I was scared and I didn't know what would happen next. But what happened next, led me to my destiny. I love working with young people. I love mentoring. I enjoy event planning and NCSSM allowed me to do all of that. It was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. And it all started with me waiting... holding off going to graduate school. Resigning from a job that made me unhappy, and waiting for one that would make me happy. I worked at a school that made me incredibly happy, sad, tired, and inspired. I waited until I knew for sure what I wanted to go to school for. I waited to figure out what my 10 year plan was. I know it know and because of that, I'm happy.  I'm thriving. And it's all because six years ago, I listened to the voice in me that said I am not ready for this step in front of me. So I stopped.. let others pass me by, and I waited. Waited until it was time for me to make that next step.

Days 6-7 Collection

Day 6: Your plans should reflect your values.

This memoir was given to me by my supervisor, Nola. We were meeting in her office, and discussing the leadership retreat she had attended this past weekend. And she asked me: do your plans reflect your values? 

And then she counted the words and realized she had said a six-word memoir. It was cute and she said she enjoyed reading mine. We talked about the process of creating one, and then journaling about them as I'm doing now. She and I are very much alike in how we live our lives spiritually; in how we mean to be intentional and lead meaningful lives day by day. 

So to answer her question- do my plans reflect my values? I think they do. I value equity and equality. I value compassion and love to and for others. I value kind words, thoughtful messages, and genuine smiles. I want to work in student affairs and/or mentoring. It all relates. I want to see a happier and more equitable world. I am living and working towards doing my part. That's my passion. That's my work's mission. 

What's yours?

Day 7: It's like vacation in a cup!

Definitely more light-hearted than my other memoirs but this was said by one of my lovely board members last night. We were having dinner with President Freund and she mentioned her favorite mixed drink and described it as "vacation in a cup!" How exciting!

Vacation in a cup! What a thought.. it made we wonder.. how could you bottle up your best vacation and place it in a cup to take with you to work each day? What would that look like? Is it a memorabilia? Is it a note? Is it a six-word memoir like these posted on your bulletin board? Is it a picture? How do you take the happiness you experienced in one area of your life and translate it to all?

When you find out, let me know.

Days 4-5 Collection

Well.. life got busy and I wasn't able to update this as I would like, so here's the compilation over the past few days.

Day 4: Weekends are no longer my own.

I think this is pretty self-explanatory. I had great dreams of taking the weekend off. Doing nothing all day Saturday and Sunday, the only plans were making pizza with Diana. All that changed in a matter of 20 minutes on Friday. Two meetings were scheduled; one from 8-11am and another from 12pm- until. We lasted till 7pm. And then we had a follow-up meeting the next morning (yes, I work on Sundays now) at 9am. What happened to rest on weekends? There is no such thing anymore. I have to be incredibly intentional about how I spend my time, and when I say yes or no. I have taken on a lot of responsibilities, which I'm quite positive I can handle.. but man if it doesn't scare me. 

On Friday, I think my body just gave out. I had operated at 95-100% all week that when it came to Friday, I just gave out. I had no motivation and no energy. I had an evening meeting on Friday, that I was just a mess. A silly, entertaining mess because I was sooo tired. I was falling asleep by 9am. I woke up the next day at 8am still tired.. I can't be like this this year. Luckily, this Friday I had no major projects to complete. However, if I don't pace myself and pay attention to my body, I may have the unfortunate outcome of being too tired on a day when I need to be performing at 100%. God help me.

Day 5: Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.

I went to church this morning....

For the first time in months. I had a 9am meeting that ended around 11am and I passed a church that started at 1130am. I had been a couple times to this ministry and probably won't go back, but it was nice. Not feeling like a wretch... while I was there.

I do need to find a church home. If I'm not careful, CGU will be just like NCSSM.. a bubble that I can't get away from.

Day 3: Lessen the Excess Chatter in Life

Early August, I noticed on my car rides to work that I was continuously changing radio stations, not satisfied with any of the music playing. Occasionally a song would come on that I'd jam to (90s-00s hip hop, Carly Rae Jepson, Beibs As Long As You Love Me- judge me not), but for the most part, I was never satisfied. One day, I was so fed up that I did the unthinkable.. I turned off the radio. I've done it before for lent (gave up listening to music) but that was years ago. This seemed different. It was a quiet ride home but I realized I wasn't annoyed. Score one for me!

Jump to the following week- it's two weeks until move-in day, and the Chaplains Office is offering RA Orientations. Rabbi Daveen begins talking about the meditation sessions offered on Wednesdays and I'm intrigued. I've come to think of my silent car rides as something similar to meditation. Calming.

Last week, I challenged myself (I'm all about challenges) to take a break from all the noise, and just listen. Granted I was on day 2 or 3 of no music in the car, and my tv hadn't been turned on since the weekend but this time I wanted to be intentional about it. I was intentionally lessening all the excess noise and chatter that clouded my mind. I had/have enough going on from a day to day basis, why add more? Especially when it annoys and frustrates me?

So now I'm on week two. It's been an interesting. A couple times this week, on the last five minutes of the drive, I'll turn on the radio to see what's on and it's still the same thing. Me flipping through stations. So off it goes. I suppose I could put in my ipod, but even that's used rarely. When I run, I go solo. No ipod. No headphones. It's safer that way.. but it makes me listen to my breathing, take notice of my surroundings. I feel like my senses are on overload because for once.. I'm not closing myself off to the outside world. I'm allowing every part of me to really listen to every part of me.

This is my meditation.

Day 2: I'm Where I'm Supposed To Be

It took me awhile to think of one today. I actually woke up trying to figure out what would be my six-word memoir for the day. A bit obsessive? I think so. I typically do this though.. when I'm starting on something new, I'm in it 100%. It's after the shine has dulled that I lose my intensity. Anyway, I thought of this memoir at work while I was at the Chaplains Office. It just came to me. It wasn't that I was particularly happy to be doing what I was doing.. I just felt content. I do remember waking up thinking, I'm the most content I've been in years. But I didn't quite know how to phrase that in six words. And then it came to me.

I'm where I'm supposed to be. Exactly where I'm supposed to be.

I can't describe how comforting it is to know that I'm in the right place. In the right space. I've always felt like I was just passing time, going back as far as high school. Nothing felt right. Nothing felt soothing or foundational. But I move to California... it's in the air (minus the smog). I just feel like the me that's always wanted to be, finally has the room to be. It's like finding the perfect size slipper or eating the right temperature porridge. Finally, my happy ending is in sight!

I say in sight, because I'm not there yet. A happy ending would be a happy and blessed marriage, children, a career that I love, friends I adore near and far, pets, and a healthier and more spiritual me. I'm no where near that.. but I'm getting close. It's like I was lost and finally, I'm starting to recognize the landmarks.

Exhale.

Six-Word Memoir 30 Day Challenge (Day 1)

I've been intrigued with the six-word memoir since the NASPA conference in February. It was a meaningful activity that I took away and occasionally find myself trying to sum up my day or week in six words. This past week I decided to google the six-word memoir to see where the idea started. SMITH magazine was the first to start the project and from there, it's become a national project similar to Post Secrets and FOUND.

In keeping with the spirit of meditating, and being mindful about my daily actions, I've decided to start the 30 day six-word memoir challenge. My hope is to post it on facebook each morning, and "journal" about it here or in my private journal if I don't feel like sharing. When I journal, I don't really pay attention to punctuation or grammatical rules. I type as I talk. In short and sometimes, incomplete sentences. Deal or move on. :)

Day 1: I am not a morning person.

It's pretty self-explanatory but this morning, I woke up at the God-awful time of 630am. My sleeping schedule has been all over the place these past two weeks, but in particular today, I had to rearrange my schedule to accommodate an evaluation workshop. I had grandiose plans of waking up at 630am (which I did) and go swimming (which I didn't). Instead, I just stayed in bed thinking.. I am not a morning person. And then I counted, and it was like providence. Six words! BOOM as JP would say.  It's not that I don't like mornings.. I enjoy them a lot. And even when I woke up at 630am, it wasn't like I was pressing the snooze button. I was alert and very conscious.. I just didn't want to get out of bed.

Life is so Good

Yesterday (Saturday), I hiked Hermit Falls (see my new blog, Big Girls Do (not) Hike for a review and some pics). Even though it was one of the harder hikes I've done, I think I did quite well. I didn't stop as much or as long. It was encouraging to see how my body has not only adjusted to the long runs, but my spins and hikes as well.

Today (Sunday), I woke up thinking this is going to be a long day. I had three meetings planned that should've lasted 3-4 hours each. Luckily, that didn't happen. My morning meeting started late when we decided to get breakfast. We only met for an hour and some. Then my afternoon meeting only lasted two hours because one of the team members couldn't make it. And my evening meeting was rescheduled. So I came home on a Sunday around 230pm with nothing pressing to do. So I hung out with my new roommate and her sister. Drank Blue Moon and hung out in the pool. Then I took a nap with my new roommate and her sister outside.. near the pool. It was the perfect way to spend a summer Sunday.

I just can't get over how wonderful life is.. sometimes change is the best thing that can happen to you! So embrace it.. you never know what the future will hold if you don't. So life is good. No complaints. :)

Fantastic News

I've lost 10 lbs in two weeks!!!!

I haven't lost this much weight in years. I feel good and I'm inspired and encouraged to keep up with my routine. I actually like it which helps a ton.. it doesn't feel like a chore. It feels like I'm participating in a hobby.. a working out hobby that includes running 3 miles, working out around the track, spin class, swimming and hiking (see schedule below.. if you're curious). And I'm eating well and on a budget (which is key). I'm drinking 100-120 ounces of water a day (I need to drink about 30 more to be on target). I'm eating more fresh veggies, and fresh fruit.

California really has done my body well. I don't know if I could have done this in North Carolina but I'm happy about it regardless. :)

Workout Schedule:
Sundays: Swim for an hour
Mondays: Run for an hour (right now that's 3 miles)
Tuesdays: CGU Fitness Challenge which varies from endurance, or strength training workouts
Wednesdays: Spin Class
Thursdays: CGU Fitness Challenge
Fridays: rest
Saturdays: Hike one of the local trails (typically 3-5 miles) *check out my other blog, Big Girls Do (not) Hike for my hiking expeditions*


Fiona, the trainer for the fitness challenge also gives me homework to power walk at least 30 minutes every day. I haven't been able to do it everyday but it gets me outside during the lunch hour, and walking more during the work hours.

Glutton for Pain- Hiking to be Specific

Who knew I would come to love hiking so much?

Well I don't actually love it but I've been doing it for about 3 out of 5 weekends and it's become an interesting hobby of mine. I decided that I'd add another site dedicated to the hikes that I go on. From the hikes that I've looked at, none of them address hiking for your full figured hiker (also most unfortunately known as the overweight person). I'm calling it Big Girls Do (not) Hike! :D

So if you're interested in learning more, go to the link above or go to the Take a Hike tab at the menu bar to learn more. :D

I did it!!!

Long Beach Pajama Run

I ran in a 5K last week! I made in under an hour which was an accomplishment. I cannot believe I did it! My legs were tired once I finally stopped but I wasn't too out of breath.

On Mondays, I run 3+ miles around the Claremont neighborhood. I didn't time myself today, but I think I ran faster and stronger. I wasn't able to finish in 3 miles though, which made me quite sad, but I ran faster.. I'm sure of it.

During today's run, three people "cheered" me on. Two rounded the corner and looked surprised to see me running- they both said great job. Then, when I got to mile 2, a guy on a bike said "good for you! nice evening for a workout!" I swear, either people are surprised to see a colored girl (or a colored girl in general) running or they're surprised to see a big girl covering the pavement. Maybe both. It makes me laugh and encourages me to keep going. I've read lots of articles that do not recommend people my size to run... they say you should do (light) cardio and weight training until you drop more pounds. Ah well.. as long as I don't hurt myself, I will continue to run. No excuses. And if I can run (or jog) carrying all 280 glorious pounds, then all these other skinny minnies weighing less than me can do the same. No excuses.

Lena and I are going to run a 5K in August so I have a month to shave at least three minutes from my last time. The goal will be under 53 minutes since I finished the Long Beach 5K in 57 minutes. Yay me!

"I Be Up in the Gym Just Working on My Fitness!"

Hello All,

So I've been pretty busy this past week. When I said I was back in the game, I was not playing. Tuesday, I went to the fitness challenge workout. We ran for 30 minutes straight. I did about 7 laps in that time.  On Wednesday, with very sore thighs I went to the spin class. Jesus Cristo! I did it... and I stood up. I wasn't sure if I could do it standing but I did and it actually helped with the numbness. The next day.. I was still sore. Thursday was another fitness challenge workout and we did squats, lunges and push-ups. In between each set, we did a lap around the track. Talk about overwhelming.. but I did it! Friday and Saturday were my rest days, and Sunday, I decided to be something like Super(big)woman. First I swam in the pool for about 30 minutes. An hour later, I took Diana to the Claremont Wilderness Park. It's a 5 mile loop. All the reviews said it was manageable but they must hike and bike often. I could only do 1.5 before I had to turn around. I was getting out of breath and so tired. I was so mad at myself for quitting.. I wanted to go this afternoon and try it again but I just don't feel comfortable hiking by myself. Even if there's a trail. So today, I ran around the Claremont neighborhood. 3.5 miles of walking and jogging. 80% jogging and 20% walking. Nola invited me to run in the Pajama 5K in Long Beach on the 30th and I think I'm going to do it but I want to be somewhat prepared. So tomorrow is another fitness challenge workout.. we're working on abs. Should be fun.. I really don't see a reason for me to work on them just yet. It's kind of pointless since I have (obviously) lots of fat covering my abs. I have to lose that first but I'll be there. Learn a few workouts and probably run the track afterwards (if I'm not tired).

So now, I just have to start eating right. I think my calorie diet is around 2200-2400 but I can't be sure. It may be much lower but I'm thinking I probably eat more calories at lunch and dinner than I realize.

So here's the plan for this week:

Sunday: Swim/ 3 mile hike
Monday: 3.5 mile run
Tuesday: Ab workout/ 1 mile run
Wednesday: 1 hour spin class
Thursday: Fitness Challenge workout
Friday: rest
Saturday: Swim
Sunday: Swim/ Play tennis (maybe?)

I'm Back!!

Oh my... it's been so long!

Well my last post was sad.. I had joined a spin class and today, was my second day going! haha.. shame face. Anyway, I have a plan!

Quite a bit has happened in the past two months including finishing my first year of grad school, going to Hawaii for the Merrie Monarch!!!, elected to be a part of the Graduate Student Council, as well as moving. My new place has a pool which I will be using. My plan is to try and swim at least two times a week (possibly Monday and Friday mornings) and then on the weekends if there is time. On Tuesday and Thursday, I will run with the Fiona and her Fitness Challenge. And then on Wednesdays, I'll go to the spin class.

I think I did well today at the spin class. I wasn't able to get into position 2 or 3 often (where you're standing up) but I did it a few times. It's fun.. I just NEED to find something for my booty. I felt more pain in my booty sometimes than in my legs. Every part of my pelvic area went numb at one point during the workout. No lie.

But I'll be back... I am convinced that I will lose weight this summer. My goal is 25 lbs. I think that's doable. I'm feeling quite positive about my life and all the goals I have. A healthy life is one of them.. so here we go! :D

Sadness

So... I stopped working out... and I gained 8 lbs. :(

I joined a spin class this morning.. this was before I wighed myself. I will definitely be up early tomorrow running again. I just.. I'm tired of being overweight.

So here I go again.

Wish me luck.

Six Word Memoirs

Hello Everyone!

It's been such a long time since I was last here. Blame it on mid-terms. It's been a crazy time for me with work, school, volunteering, and committees. But I just had to write about a wonderful session that I went to today for the NASPA Conference in Phoenix! The session was called A Phoenix Rising: Professional Renewal Through Meaning-Making. The presenters were Dr. Michele Murray and Dr. Robert Nash. Amazing topic. Halfway through their presentation, they asked everyone in the room to create a six word memoir that answered one of these three questions:

1. What have been major themes of your life?
2. What themes describe your professional experiences?
3. Which six words best describe you, thus far?

They were asking us to write concise and succinct personal narratives. Do you think you can sum up some of your most challenging experiences in six words? I didn't.. and yet.. here are mine...

1. Hakuna matata. It means no worries. (The Lion King)
2. Strength is weakness leaving the body. (Marine Corps slogan)
3.  Ariel: God's Lioness. I don't roar.
4. When the rains come, I dance.
5. Home is where my parents reside.
6. I'm multiracial. Don't call me Other!
7. What a difference a year makes.
8. Reality called. Dreams Deferred. What's next?

And here are a few that my group wrote:

1. Deeply content. Still searching for inspiration.
2. A fortuneteller told me "believe yourself."
3. Please don't yuck on my yum.

 What is your six word memoir?

Rest In Peace, Whitney

Whitney Houston passed away on Saturday. It was so sudden... I found out on twitter smh. I had just finished spending the afternoon volunteering at a horse rescue with Diana when I just signed on to twitter. Someone tweeted "it can't be true.. not Whitney." My phone updated 100 times in 10 minutes. It was so crazy. I went to my apartment, turned on CNN and listened as Don Lemon confirmed her passing. The TTs on twitter soon enough became a playlist of Whitney's greatest hits.

Her death brought back my love for R&B from the early 90s. It's always been there but mainly for the late 90s. I got on iTunes and bought her self-titled album and the Bodyguard. I remember the first time I saw Whitney with the buzz cut.. my mom had that album on cassette. She pulled the case out of this box full of other tapes and there was this thin, stately black woman with such short hair like I'd never seen before. The first cds I remember having were The Bodyguard and Mariah Carey's Music Box. Listening to The Bodyguard made me listen to Mariah Carey's Music Box and Daydream so I had to buy both. And then I saw an icon for TLC's CrazySexyCool album. I played the last song on the album, Something Wicked Come My Way and I remembered every. single. word. I could not believe myself. I used to LOVE that song. I started remembering how hard I practiced Left Eye's verse from Waterfalls and how upset I was when this kid in my class doubted me when I said I knew the verse by memory. Ha!

But long story short.. Whitney was a bridge. She's younger than my parents by about 5-7 years. My parents listened to her in the 80s and respected her in the 90s. I grew up with her in the 90s. She was a bridge between generations. Her and Michael (you could probably add Prince and Madonna in there too). They were the two that bound my parents musical tastes to my own. That's what is so sad. There are ties that bind my parents and I. Many actually. We're a tight and very close family. But to know that some of those ties, no matter how weak are loosening.. well that's sad.

I run to live. I live to run.

As I passed the fourth block on my uphill run this morning, I thought.. Ariel, you're running to live and soon you'll live to run. I have no idea if it's already a slogan (probably is) but it will be my mantra during this weight loss journey. I never thought I would say that I enjoy running. But here I am, waking up in the morning knowing today is my day to run. I get sad when it's my "short run" day. I'm annoyed when I can't run in the mornings, but then I get excited because afternoon runs are pretty energizing as well.

At 27 years of life, I weigh 269 pounds and my metabolic age is 90. I truly am running to live. I am someone who thinks about life and death all the time. Death scares me. Every day I pray today isn't my last day because I don't feel like I have accomplished anything that I have the potential to do. When I die, I want people to cry because they will miss me. I want them to cry because they know there will never be another like me and what I did while I was alive, impacted thousands. Conceited? Possibly, however this is my truth. But to die from my weight. I refuse.

So here I am, running to live. I ran and walked 3.22 miles today, essentially my first 5K. It took an hour because the last .5 mile I walked.. slowly. But I did it. I ran 2.7 miles uphill and downhill. I only stopped three times. This is coming from a girl who could barely run one mile without stopping.

I did all this in one month. Can you imagine where I'll be by March?

Discoveries

Sad news... Don Cornelius passed away this morning from an apparent gun shot wound. One of my college friends wrote "wishing him love, peace and soul." Kind of sad to think he may not have felt that before he passed. :(

He wasn't the original reason for this post, but I thought I should acknowledge his passing. The original reason was my discovery of Favorite Run. It's a website that helps you log different running routes in your area, and see where others are running. I've logged in five different routes so far, including a dream run of four miles. I'm hoping to run this in March, April at the latest. If you're in Claremont, check out my runs at ladee5o. Also, keep in mind, I'm a newbie jogger/runner. My routes are quite short.. for now. :D

Also, I need a running mantra. I don't really need it, but Runners World suggested it and I think it's a good idea. Any suggestions?

Shake It Out

It's the start of week four which means I have officially passed the "21 days to form a habit" marker. Here's the progress for the week: I lost 2 pounds! My total for the month as been 5.5 lbs lost and 5 inches from the last time I measured myself two weeks ago.

A few things I've found out about myself in the past three weeks:

• I like to run to semi-slow music. It's relaxing, and it helps me relax and focus. The past two weeks, I've listened to Adele and Florence + the Machine. Florence has really become my new obsession. Even though her albums are quite old, I love them. Especially No Light, No Light and Shake It Out. Drumming Song is also a good one. And of course, Adele. That girl is a beast.
• I like running in the morning. It makes me feel a bit better as the day progresses. My body has also adjusted to waking up earlier. Last semester, I could barely pull myself out of bed before 9am. Now, I'm up between 630-7am every morning. I also like running after work. The drawback to running after work is diminishing sunlight. I don't like running or walking home at night. Too many Criminal Minds episodes.
• I have to start strength training workouts. All this running is great, and I'm seeing improvements in my upper body and my thighs.. but not my hips! During my run last night, I saw my shadow and goodness gracious, if it wasn't clear that my waist is a lot smaller than my hips (currently 10 inches).  
• I'm in a cooking phase, and I think I may try to keep it up. The outcome is always a fun surprise. I record Giada DiLaurentiis shows from the Food Network. I've tried three or four of her recipes and really like them. Last night, I baked salmon in foil, and then had black eyed peas and salad. It was so good, but I dropped one of my salmons. Thankfully, I made two but one was supposed to be my lunch today. Le sigh.
• I bought this heart monitor and used it yesterday, but have no idea how it's supposed to work. Towards the end of my run, I just timed myself. I found that my heart rate was at 150-160. At the end of my run (which is uphill), I was at 180-190. I really have no idea if that's good or not. I've read conflicting statements on how to track my heart rate. I'll probably read the directions more carefully tomorrow. I would like to get an exact reading.
• My uncle and two partners have opened up a nutrition bar in Long Beach which sells Herbalife memberships. He's been telling me about it since I moved out here and I think I'm going to finally commit. I got my Health Report done which tells your weight, BMI, Body Fat Percentage, Muscle Mass and all that other good stuff. I really felt like I was on the Biggest Loser going to see Dr. H. Apparently, my metabolic age is 90 years old. Yikes! So we set a goal to lose 86 pounds by December. That's roughly 2 pounds a week, which I'm on the right track.
• I can handle three classes, a full time work load and still have a semi-social life. I have to be very diligent in managing my time but I can do it. And do it well.
• I'm really scared I'm going to end up an old maid, as Anne Shirley would say.

I see black people!

I seem to be writing a lot about my weight loss journey.. so lets switch it up.

I had a brotha sighting today!

(Tangent ahead) I walk to work now. Since I live 5-10 minutes away from campus, and the weather has been in the 80s, it just seems like the sensible thing to do. Save gas. Get some exercise. Enjoy the weather before I'm cooped up inside all day. And it gives me the chance to process my day. (Back to the story) I got off work around 430pm and was walking home. On the way back, I did my mental checklist and tried to figure out if I wanted to run or not. (Another tangent) It's really hard to get motivated to workout. Don't get me wrong.. I really love running (who would've thought?). I feel empowered and ready to take on the world. But before my feet pound the pavement... I'm actually debating whether I want to feel this sense of euphoria. I told a friend a week or two ago that the hardest part is getting there, whether it's the gym or the outdoors. I'm not sure why.. You know you want to but you just start thinking about all the other things you could be doing. (Back to the story) The thing I was debating doing instead of running was laundry and homework. So on my walk home (it's a great time to process the rest of the evening), I decided to start my laundry, and then go out for my run. That way, when I come back, it's time to switch the load. (Tangent again.. sorry) The sunset was beautiful today! There weren't a lot of clouds in the sky but the ones there reflected the most beautiful array of purple, blue, pink and orange. It was gorgeous. I really want an iphone so i can listen to my music, take pictures and have my phone readily available. Anyway, as I was locking up my apartment and admiring the sky, I saw a brotha! Not a brother, as Rick Perry would refer to Hermain Cain. But a brotha!!! Hermain Cain's cousin. He was wearing all black, had the black man strut and just looked so "out of place" that I almost wanted to follow him to see if he was going into one of the apartments or just walking by. I didn't see his face but if he had turned around and saw me.. he probably would've thought I was attracted to him or something, because I WAS staring. But ONLY because he was black! There was no pull. More shock.

I should be ashamed of myself... but I NEVER see black people here! Scratch that.. I rarely see black people but today, they were popping up everywhere. I saw two black girls (who apparently live right below me) for the first time walking to campus! In my three classes, I'm the only "black" person and then there's Nicole but she's mixed like me, so I guess together, we could be one "black" person and then in my leadership class, Shanda's there with me. We are THE minorities in a room full of minorities. I am THE minority in a valley or empire (whichever you prefer) of whites and hispanics. I haven't felt any kind of discrimination, but it's just weird not seeing people who look like you. Especially after living in Bull City. I don't feel out of place, but I definitely feel like something is missing...

And it's black people!!

Although I have begun to fancy some of these international guys. I just wish they were a little bit taller...

Progress!

I wasn't planning to blog today BUT a few things happened that made me super excited for my tomorrows.

1. I woke up this morning weighing 3.5 lbs less than I did last Sunday, and 2 inches lost. 
2. I ran for 30 minutes straight for 2.3 miles and then walked another mile home! I was not sure if I could make it but I did! No this is not the best number BUT it's what I can do and I'm quite proud of it. 5K.. here I come!
3. I finally had my Hollywood touristy moment today. I went to the Wax Museum, the Guinness World Record museum, and then went to Griffith Park and saw the Hollywood Sign. It really wasn't anything special BUT it got me motivated to visit Griffith Park again for a hike!
4. While at the Guinness World Record museum, there was an exhibit for the heaviest man weighing in at 1,000+ lbs. I really don't know how he lived to be that big. Anyway, they have a scale and Diana (my mentee) wanted to weigh herself. Chica came in at a whopping 115 lbs (skinny minny). She then said "I want to see you on the scale." Well, the old me would've said no and walked away. However, the new me stood on that scale. I thought of all the Biggest Loser contestants and looked at my number. It was a lot higher than I wanted it.. but I thought of how I would like to come back in the summer to see how much I've lost.
5. My heart rate monitor came in today! I have no idea how this thing works or what it'll do but I'm excited to have it.

Other super exciting news that happened this weekend:

• I bought my plane ticket for Hawaii! I'm going to the Merrie Monarch!!!!!
• I found a 5K to run in March. :D

Two Weeks Down, Nine to Go

Today concludes week two of my 5K training schedule. I won't be able to run 30 minutes today, but I'll do it tomorrow morning before church. I did well though. On Tuesday, I ran for 15 minutes (1 mile) and on Thursday I ran for 20 minutes (1.3 miles). Last week, I ran for 15 minutes on Tuesday and Thursday. My goal next week is to continue running on T/Th/Sat but add strength training at the gym on Mondays and Fridays.

As much as I am not a fan of tracking my food, I think I'm going to start. I stepped on the scale today and I haven't lost a pound in two weeks. I haven't measured myself yet, but I will tomorrow to update my numbers. Mom offered to sign me up for Weight Watchers. I may try it... in a month or two, or maybe tomorrow. I'm unpredictable and spontaneous when it comes to these things. I just don't like these weight loss programs. Call it pride- I want to say I did it on my own. My diet will be important this semester though. I'm taking three classes and working full time. I am not eating out for lunch, but bringing meals in (turkey sandwiches, soups and salads). I also have to drink more water but they say you should be drinking half your body weight... well that seems slightly impossible when you cross the 200 lbs mark.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Just wanted to let everyone know the running is going well. I found a few 5Ks in March that I may run in. Susan G. Komen's Race for the Cure is on March 24th in LA. I would love to run that but they're going to be in Dodger Stadium and I hate running in circles... I just don't run the distance that I would if it's a neighborhood. I get like that when I'm on a treadmill too... I have to cover up the time and distance or else I'll stop sooner than later. If I see the "finish line" too soon, I have a harder time pushing and convincing myself that I can or have to go further.

F*** Chocolate Covered Almond Clusters

Normally, I don't curse. BUT I bought these chocolate covered almond clusters from Trader Joe's last week thinking it would be a great mid-day snack for work. I left them in my office over the weekend and came back today to find them on my desk. It made me a little happy inside. So I had two before my meeting. Then another six afterwards (eight all together). Each cluster had about four almonds in it. I just so happened to look at the container to see the calories.

190 calories in 2 clusters!!!!!!!

I ran (more like jogged) this morning... a mile. I probably burned about 400 calories. It was freezing this morning but I was still glistening. I felt good. Was a bit out of breath.. felt my muscles tightening. It was fantastic! However, my hard fought mile was decimated by two itty bitty bite sized f***in chocolate covered almond clusters. I was sooooo pissed. I don't want to be the chick who checks calories and yadda yadda but low and behold, there I was in Albertson's four hours later looking at calories while I shopped for soup.

Trying to lose weight is a pain. "Dieting" is a chore.. an unfair disadvantage. I want a leveled playing field!!!!! I think every female should be between a size 5-10 until they're 25 and then after that, if they want to maintain they can and if they don't.. well it's their choice. But being "overweight" for most of my life.. that's tough. In high school, I wore a size 14-16 and people (adults and peers- side note: people think adults are so mature. They're not.. they're just grown up children.) made me feel like I was one of the fattest girls in school. I look back and envy that girl. Unfortunately, that girl didn't know she was perfect. So now.. I'm a plump 22 trying to get down to my high school size. I miss that girl.. with her 14-16 hips, and C cup bra size. Don't get me wrong... I like my DDs but they're so overwhelming...

Anyway, back to the clusters. I don't think eating eight will set me back too much. The clusters alone were 760 calories. I did have a pretty healthy breakfast (oatmeal with apples) and for lunch I had a Greek quesadilla (spinach and feta cheese) with a curry potato soup at The Press. I'm hoping that breakfast and lunch were no more than 850 calories. For dinner, I'm making pizza (goat cheese, olives and sauce- it's delicious!). Since I'm making my own pizza, the calories should cut down immensely. Hopefully, when all is said and done my daily intake will be no more than 1800. Those freaking clusters just made me so mad.

How do you enjoy life when bite sized clusters are so bad for you!?!?!?!

And don't say moderation.

Sunsets in California

I'm so proud of myself! I finally got the header picture to fit! Hopefully blogger can add a function that lets you edit your pictures in the future. It took forever!!!!

I didn't really pay attention to sunsets in NC. They just weren't as important as sunrises. But here, I catch them all the time. This semester, I'm excited to get off work at 4pm so I can watch how the sky changes colors. Such a gorgeous sight. Sometime in December, Diana and I decided to visit Mt. Baldy since both of us had never been. Because this was a spontaneous trip, we were not dressed properly and didn't make it all the way. But on the way back, we rounded the corner and came upon a beautiful sunset overlooking the San Gabriel Valley. The picture I took is this blogs main header/title. Wasn't it lovely?

"I Still Believe Love is the Most Durable Power in the World."

Today is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and I am not out volunteering! That seems so strange... especially after 2-3 years of it being my job to get others to volunteer on this day. My consolation- I spent yesterday afternoon with my mentee and the next few weekends, I'll honor his legacy by getting others to volunteer. So don't judge me. :)

Anyway, my favorite MLK quote comes from one of his sermons, The Most Durable Power. It's been awhile since I last read it, but the quote was "I still believe love is the most durable power in the world." How simple, reassuring and yet, heartbreaking when you imagine the world that he lived in.

Love.

I can think of all the ways I want love to take over my life, but first and foremost, it starts with me. I tolerate myself. How pitiful but it's true. I tolerate my looks, my body, my job, my social life, and when I lived in Durham, my surroundings. I didn't love any of it. There were parts of my life that I enjoyed, but full out love.. that power was only designated to my immediate family.

This year I am committing to discovering and opening myself up to the possibilities. I made my first ever vision board (thanks to Beth) with my little sis last night. It doesn't depict everything I envision for myself this year, but it describes what is most important: my health, my finances and embracing the unknown. This year, I envision loving my body: my hair, my eyes, my lack of a neck, my scars, my fat fingers.. everything. I envision being financially stable before I graduate! I'm going to try and not put a picture on the unknown... I know what I would like, but I've known that for years. Obviously, I was doing something wrong. So I'll try something new.

So here's my vision board! And a few of my favorite clippings read as follows:

• Reaching Goals: whatever your health goal, there's a good chance drinking more water will help you achieve it.
• You in Shape Success Story: I Get a Rush from Running!
• I Use it to Remove Doubt.
• Pay it Forward.
• Share Your Story of who you are... and everything you are going to be.
• It's Your Choice. Embrace It.
• Commit, Always Commit.
• Mission: Education First! Critical
• It's in our nature to be Strong & Balanced.
• History Made its Mark. Make Yours.

The Rush of Running

I wanted to run in a 5K in October, but time got away from me and my "training" died. So here I am again.. with a new goal: to run in a 5K before April. I started jogging last week. I ran a 15 minute mile. That was one thing that made me happy. It's been two months since I last ran, and I still kept the same pace.

It felt good to be out again. My muscles were in pain afterwards.. but I'm a glutton for pain. I wanted to be out there the very next day. Below is my training schedule (found on Train 5K). On my off days, I will do strength training to help with my weight loss. 

1. For the first 4 weeks, plan on training 3 times per week.
   
   • Run Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
   • Rest Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday.
2. During the 3 months of training, plan your longer runs for the weekend.
   • Tuesday-15 minute run.
   • Thursday-20 minute run.
   • Saturday-30 minute run.
3. Your second month of training, you will begin to get a bit more serious and increase running speed and times and run 4 days per week.
   • Tuesday-20 minute run.
   • Thursday-25 minute run.
   • Friday-30 minute run.
   • Saturday-35 minute run.
   • Sunday, Monday, Wednesday-rest days.
4. Your two biggest weeks of training of the 12 weeks will be weeks 9 and 10, the first two weeks of the third month. For those two weeks only, you will train for 5 days and rest for 2.
   • Monday-20 minute run.
   • Tuesday-25 minute run.
   • Thursday-30 minute run.
   • Friday-20 minute run.
   • Saturday-40 minute run.
   • Wednesday and Sunday-rest days.
5. From the start of week 9 (above), begin to do your runs a bit faster than your normal pace of the previous weeks. Also, do your long Saturday 40-minute run a bit faster than the other four runs of week 9. You are gearing up now for your race day. You want to get some idea what it is like maintain a steady pace throughout the 5K race.
6. Week 10 is exactly the same as week 9 except for one thing.... Your Saturday run will be 50 minutes at a good steady pace. I believe in over-distance training and it has stood me in good stead in my 30-year endurance racing career. The 50 minutes you run on this last big training day will be longer in time than your actual race. When that run is done and you feel like you are ready, there is just one thing left to do........
7. Taper. Cut your training down for the next two weeks leading to your race. REST.
8. Week 11 will look like this.
   • Tuesday-run 25 minutes.
   • Thursday-run 25 minutes.
   • Friday-run 20 minutes.
   • Saturday-run 35 minutes.
   • Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday are rest days.
9. Week 12 will be your final week of preparation and will take you into your race day.
   • Monday-run 25 minutes.
   • Wednesday-run 20 minutes.
   • Friday-You are going to run 10 PUPS. At least that's what I call them. They are really called 'pick ups.' Not really sure why. Just go with me on this. It's the day before your race. Go outside, or on an indoor track and do a 5-minute warm-up run. Then do your PUPS. Run a good brisk, (faster than you normally run) 10-second spurt. Use your watch. Rest for 20 seconds and do it again. Ten times. Do a 5-minute cool-down run. It will take you 15 minutes.
10. That's all. Your training is done! You are ready for your best possible 5K race.

"Don't Complain About What You Permit."

I have a few challenges in mind for this year: work 35 hours a week while taking 3 courses, reading 45 books in 52 weeks and losing weight! I also want to make friends. That sounds so funny and corny at the same time. But the truth of the matter is... I'm lonely. I have two good friends out here. One lives three blocks from me. Since I don't want to monopolize her time, we hang out once or twice a week. Lena's out here too but she's about an hour from me.. and the drive. No me gusta. The tough thing about growing up is your social network appears to get smaller. Think about it.. you make friends in school, work, and church (or your religious network). Graduate school is something totally different. I'm in a program specifically geared towards full time working professionals. So my classmates, as nice as they are have families, jobs and lives outside of the classroom. They come to campus for class and don't come back. My two part time jobs.. although I really like the people I'm working with, we don't hang out after hours. My church.. well, I'm starting there.

I went to church last night. It was a little different, but I like the idea of going on Saturday nights. I've never been big on partying so spending my evening in church is not that bad for me. I really enjoyed the service. Pastor spoke about the negative and positive ways that God notices us. He made us repeat "don't complain about what you permit." What a powerful statement. That basically sums up why I moved to California. I was bored and tired of complaining about it. I wanted to try something new and I felt like this was the way to get there. The same can be said about my weight loss journey, and my social life. So this is me.. taking over my life. No more complaining or second guessing... just doing.