Don't Let the Smile Fool You

Over the summer, my mentee was supposed to complete 250 sets of math problems using Khan Academy. She has six days left before the assignments are due and she has completed around 80. When I'm with her, we finish between 5-10 sets depending on the level of difficulty. However, each time I work with her, she never answers a question confidently. Her answers are always questions- she tries to gauge my reaction to see if she's right or not. I've gotten to the point that at every step I ask her why she chose those numbers, that operation, and what her answer means. If I don't do this, she randomly picks numbers and puts them together and then looks at me for reassurance. It's obvious that in most cases, she doesn't quite know what she's doing but most importantly, she doesn't know when to do it.

I'm worried that her smile; her sweet demeanor; her quiet nature has allowed for her to attend a highly competitive school that she is not prepared for. She's a teenager of color. She's a girl. She doesn't argue; she doesn't fight; she doesn't give you an attitude. She's sweet. She's gotten by with the doing, but not the knowing and it appears that her teachers have let her.

But now, she's in a different school. It's a different culture and she's playing catch up and relying on her smile, and her passiveness to get by again. This school, however, gave her a D on her report card. She deserves to be at this school... but she's going to have to work hard to prove it. Unfortunately, what got her by in the past won't work in the present.

It's never easy to play catch-up..

Cha Cha, Ariel

It's August 10th (Sadie's birthday). She's 27. She went to the beach with some of her coworkers. I think they call it the shore in NJ. I have no idea what the difference is. I hope she had fun. We spoke a little this morning but she was on her way to the shore. It's also Junior Move-in day at NCSSM for Jonnell. It's kind of sad but I'm envious of her.. at least she has a job that pays full time and her bills are getting paid. I liked what I did at NCSSM but I didn't see any movement.

I stayed indoors today. I was supposed to apply for jobs but I didn't. I found a few jobs to apply to though. I'm freaking myself out. I paid my bills for the month and looked at my budget for next month. I don't know if I'll last if I don't have another PT or FT job by October. And it's so freaking me out..

I applied for this job a few weeks ago that I thought I had a great chance to at least get an interview. But no call back. Nothing. I'm not sure what's going on but I'm not getting anything. I've had one interview this summer. It's really freaking me out and because of it, I'm stalling on applying for more jobs. I feel like I'm taking a step back with some of the jobs I'm applying for. I know I have the experience and ability to be an Asst. Director but no one is responding.. I may apply for a hall director position, and I really don't want to do that but I need a job and no one is calling me back. I wasn't expecting it to be this hard. Maybe it's my resume or my cover letter. I don't know. I really really don't know.

I think I'm most afraid to have to move back home. I really don't want to do that. Not after living here. I'm trying to be an optimist.. but damn it's hard right now.